Martial Arts and Crafts

So, I’m pretty stretchy.  Where most people can touch their toes, I can almost rest my elbows on the ground.

Unfortunately, in the martial arts world, that is not really all that stretchy.  I work on my flexibility pretty frequently and never go through a workout without getting a good stretch in afterward.  PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:  STRETCH MORE.  Anyway, I’ve been using this horrific stretching machine at the gym for a few years because it’s one of the only things that helps me with my inner thighs, which are criminally tight (again, this is pretty biased toward the martial arts community…non-martial artists often think my legs aren’t really attached at my hips).  I toyed with the idea of getting one for my apartment only to find that they cost an average of $200.  NO.  Magically, one of my kung fu buddies passe along this video:

It dawned on me that, throughout all my injuries, I have only obtained metal crutches.  OH CRUEL FATE, HOW YOU TOY WITH ME!

Then I remembered that the person who had been in my office before me had left a pair of wooden crutches behind when she left and, after 6 years, I still haven’t bothered to, you know, move them.  My laziness had paid off!  So I dragged them home and got to work.

First things first: I removed all of the screws and other attachment pieces from the crutch frames.

When you strip down a pair of wooden crutches, they look like those chopstics that are attached at the top for easy use by children and stupid white people.

Of course, I got distracted after step one.  As I gathered all of the pieces together, I couldn’t help but notice that the frames were quite pliable and functioned much like a pair of gigantic tweezers.  Hey, roommate…

“PINCH!”

Okay, back to work.  The next step was to attach the two leg bits together.  Easy enough, except that I had to try about 15 different times before I was satisfied with the length.

And it even has little rubber things on the ends so I don’t hurt myself!

Then all that remained was to attach the leg bits to the giant tweezers.

Ta da! It’s a…thing!

And it works!  I was pretty shocked that something on YouTube could be 1) not creepy, 2) not baby animals, or 3) in any way educational.  So we’ll see how it goes!  Best case scenario, I use this contraption following every one of my in-home workouts and become the stretchiest girl in the whole wide world.  In a much more likely scenario, however, I will use it twice and have to explain to everyone I have over for the next few years why I have a dusty pair of mangled crutches in my living room.