Martial Arts Masochism

Remember when I trained for my black belt test?  The time commitment, the exhaustion, the injuries, the lack of social life?  Well, I’m doing it again.

Oh, don’t worry, I’m not testing for second degree.  Not yet.  Not for a long while yet.  No, I”m testing for ANOTHER first degree black belt, this time in modern wushu.

I will explain it in non-kung fu geek terms:  my first black belt, earned through the International Wushu Sanshou Dao Association, focused on a balanced curriculum of barehand forms (both internal and external), weapons forms, striking techniques, throwing techniques, joint locking techniques, fighting ability, and physical strength.  The new black belt, hopefully to be earned through Jose Johnson’s Chinese Martial Arts and Wellness Center, is an intensive curriculum focused solely on external barehand and weapons forms.  That means less fighting and more performing…so possibly fewer injuries!  …Possibly.

I’m a bit apprehensive about what almost feels like a regression: typically students begin with basics and standardized forms, then move on to application techniques and forms of their choice.  I did it backwards:  I started with learning to fight and doing styles that I like, and now I’m moving to a group of forms that aren’t really my jam.

Why would I do this, you ask?  Why not stick with a few forms that I enjoy and learn those inside and out?  Well, two reasons:

1)  If I get a black belt at the Center, I can wear a shiny silk suit and get my picture up on the wall.
2)  Spite.

Back when I was training in Pittsburgh, we had an instructor that worked with the club.  She was rude, she was arrogant, and she believed with all her blackened little heart that she was better than all of us in every way imaginable.  The first time she was dismissive of my abilities, I was sort of taken aback.  After a few years of taking kung fu lessons, I had never been approached in such a way by an authority figure.  I shook it off and learned to integrate constructive criticism into my practice while completely ignoring criticism that had no basis in reality.  After a while, her ego soared and her negativity began to affect all the students.  They would come to me and ask what they’d done wrong, or why she dismissed their hard work.  When I approached her about disrespecting the students, she said, “Listen, you aren’t even close to as good as you think you are, so just let me coach.”

HA!  I thought.  Joke’s on you, bitch, I think I’m terrible!

It was then that I realized how pervasive baseless egos are in the martial arts world.  And it was then that I vowed never to waste one more moment of my valuable time training with someone whose ego eclipsed their skill and dedication.

BOW TO YOUR SENSEI.

So when boyfriend asked me if I would be interested in taking my black belt test on the contemporary curriculum, the only style she practices, I smirked and told him I would start training immediately.  I have new friends at the Center to train with.  We work hard, we laugh, we share compliments and critiques, and we support each other.  There is always room for growth, and I’ve found a place where I can foster that growth and excel.

I can’t wait to take my test, whenever it may be.  It will be a challenging time for me, but it will be worth it.  I have resolved to enjoy every second, regardless of whether or not I like the forms.  I will take from them what I need and move on.  The former instructor from Pittsburgh will never know that I’ve earned another black belt.  She won’t know when I move to second degree, third degree, or more.  But I don’t care, because I will be stronger and better with every day of practice, and she’ll still be hateful and egotistical and, deep down, incredibly insecure.

So this, really, will be my black belt in spitefulness.  And that will make it the most satisfying black belt of all.