Steel Resolve

I’m not usually one for making New Year’s resolutions.  It’s pretty contrived, it often ends up being a huge waste of money and resources, and it’s a lot of pressure…I don’t handle pressure well.  I feel like society as a whole is telling me what to do, and nothing makes me less likely to accomplish something than to have a large group of people being judgmental and having high expectations of me.  I can (and have) failed things purely out of spite.

This year, however, is likely to be a big year for me.  It will be my first full year in my new home, and it will be the year that I get married.  Those two things alone are pretty huge, so I figured it would be a good idea to make an itemized list of things I would like to accomplish in 2013, lest my life spiral out of control and ruin everything it touches.

Also, coming up with a new idea for a blog post once a week is hard.  So here we go!

1.  Getting my driver’s license.  Okay, this is seriously getting sad.  I’ve had my permit since, what, May?  I’ve driven approximately 5 times.  I don’t like it.  I hate obeying the speed limit (I prefer to go far below or far above the legally accepted speed in any given situation).  I hate parking.  I hate paying for gas.  What I do like is being in the passenger’s seat, looking around excitedly and keeping the driver awake.  Essentially, my preferred role in a car is that of Golden Retriever.  Though, really, I guess the driving part isn’t what I hate.  It’s the fact that OTHER people are also driving.  If I were the only one of the road, I would totally be all about it.

2.  Making sure that Simon remains the happiest, most spoiled rotten cat alive.  This won’t be a tough one, but I need some ringers on here just in case things go a bit awry.  I’m so happy that we’ve added the little dude to our family, and it sure is nice to have someone so excited to see me when I get home from work and boyfriend is still out of the picture for at least a few more hours.  I have now trained him to sit prior to receiving any food (be it his twice daily scoop of cat food or a treat).  What I had not foreseen about this training is that he now follows me into the kitchen any time I want a snack and sits down directly in front of me and yells.  I guess I need to explain to him that he doesn’t get food EVERY time he sits.  NO, SIMON, THE KITCHEN IS FOR PEOPLE FOOD.  Damn, it’s cute, though

3.  Marriage stuff.  With our wedding approaching at breakneck speed, I think that me and good ol’ boyfriend need to do some serious focusing on what we expect out of marriage.  We will have been together a little over six years once we tie the knot, so we have a pretty good idea of what works for us.  Problem is, people keep on growing and evolving.  Well, it’s a problem if you don’t know how to adapt together.  Once you get a good hold on that, the growing and evolving is the fun part.  I’ve seen too many couples get carried away in the planning of a magical fairy tale wedding and totally lose sight of what happens after.  The wedding is one day;  the marriage is all the rest of them.

P.S.  I don’t want to be the couple that gets fat together after we get married; that is an unacceptable version of the “growing and evolving” notion.  Take note, boyfriend!

4.  All that boring, responsible stuff being said, WEDDING.  I have every intention of having the most kick assin’-est wedding ever this fall.  However, I have to finish planning it.  That sucks.  I tried to sign up for one of those wedding websites that emails you reminders of what you should be accomplishing each month leading up to the wedding.  This month, apparently I am supposed to be consulting with my wedding planner about the details of my stationary and meeting with a florist to determine what kind of arrangements I want for the big day.  Listen, The Internet, that is totally stupid and I’m not going to do it.  What that means is that I need to make my own checklist.  So I guess what I’m saying is that I have to put making a to-do list on my to-do list.

5.  Being a better long-distance friend.  I miss my Pittsburgh people.  I miss my former Pittsburgh people who have moved on to their own greener pastures.  I miss them a lot.  I do my best to keep up with them, but it can get really overwhelming being in a new place and trying to stay part of the old place, too.  I know that I’ve distanced myself a bit to help me to function more effectively in my new environment.  It’s quite challenging to make new friends and find good things about a new place when I’m so busy missing old friends and comparing everything to the mildly grubby loveliness that is my sweet, sweet Pittsburgh.  But I’ve been here a few months now.  Maybe it’s time to come out of the shell and try to love it here as much as I loved it there.  Okay, not as much.  But at least a little bit.  We’ll start with liking it as a friend, m’kay?

6.  The most common but most dreaded of all New Year’s resolutions:  physical fitness.  I think there are few lamer resolutions to make than “I’m gonna lose X number of pounds!”  Guess what!  You probably will!  And guess what else!  Your dumb ass is going to gain it all right back because if you need to wait for a special occasion to start it, you’re probably not going to be making the necessary lifestyle changes to make it stick!  Don’t get me wrong, it makes me incredibly happy when people make a serious push to eat right, exercise effectively, and improve their lifestyles.  But here are some things I hate:  diet fads!  exercise fads!  false promises!  unrealistic goals!  people taking advantage of those who don’t know any better!  The whole New Year’s weight loss culture just grosses me out.

On that note, I am going to make some goals for myself.  I am NOT going to hurry up and lose 10 pounds in the first few weeks of 2013.  I’m gonna stick with eating healthy, exercising, and making sure my clothes still fit.  And yes, I’m still gonna eat dessert sometimes because shut up.  I am not going to crash diet before my wedding.  That’s stupid.  That’s also one of the reasons I bought my wedding dress a week after we got engaged: it didn’t give me ANY time to try and cram into an unrealistic size.  Also, there was a sale, and that shit is expensive.  I’m going to be healthy and work on my own body image instead of everyone else’s image of my body.  I am going to train for my first degree black belt test under the contemporary wushu curriculum at the Center in December and rock it out.  I am also going to train for my second degree black belt test under the International Wushu Sanshou Dao Association curriculum in December because I am a monster and I like having other people recognize that.  And THAT, my friends, is how you do a New Year’s weight-related resolution.

7.  Getting my write on.  I must say, I’ve been pretty happy about keeping up with my once-a-week posting schedule since I’ve moved out to Hershey.  It keeps me writing, and it’s also a fun way to get a little creative outlet while interacting with some super fun people (that’s you guys!).  Let’s keep that going, shall we?  I would also like to keep up with my freelance editing projects (hopefully with greater speed and frequency in the coming year), and with my personal writing projects.  You’re not going to see any published novels coming from me any time soon, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to fill up my hard drive with weird stories that will never see the light of day!

8.  Oh, and hi, career, I should probably get me one of you.  Last, but certainly not least, I would like to regroup my efforts into finding a job that I enjoy.  Have I given up on finding a fabled “career?”  The magical job that people fresh out of college discuss in hushed tones where you wake up fresh and happy each morning, make copious amounts of money, and look forward to sticking around until retirement?  Yes, people.  I’ve given up on that.  However, I do think that it’s totally reasonable to look for a job that brings me some measure of happiness.  Nice coworkers, a good atmosphere, and work that isn’t completely and utterly mind numbing?  I think it’s time to look for that again.

I do think I owe it to myself to stay at my current job until the summer is over.  Did I mention that they only work four days a week during the summer?  Yeah, I’ve earned that, thanks.

‘Twas the Post Before Christmas

‘Twas the post before Christmas, and all through the house,
Our Simon was chasing his blue catnip mouse.

I sat on the couch, all dejected and sad.
The week at work had been especially bad.

The stressful work days had seemed dreadfully slow,
And my best Christmas spirit felt ages ago.

The tree was put up, but was looking quite bare.
I was too lazy to put any ornaments there.

Usually, music is magic to me,
So I threw on Cee Lo’s new Christmas CD.

Now available on iTunes!

I’d hoped Christmas music could give me some cheer,
But still, all I wanted was a powerful beer.

Suddenly, Simon looked up from his prey:
Boyfriend was home from his own long work day!

I usually meet him with love and affection.
This night, my greeting held tragic inflection.

He smiled and he talked while he cooked up some food;
Even great cooking couldn’t brighten my mood.

We shortly got ready to get into bed,
But I still had that work stress all stuck in my head.

Then said my boyfriend, the thoughtful the go-getter,
“Do you think early presents would make you feel better?”

I looked at him with a sad puppy dog face,
So he ran to grab gifts from his best hiding place.

I first gave the gifts that I’d purchased for him:
A nice grooming kit for a shave and a trim!

A new tai chi book for his martial arts shelf,
Then a medicine ball from this crafty young elf.

He happily thanked me and hugged me quite tight.
A smile came to my face for the first time that night.

Then came my turn to take part in the gifting.
This whole present thing could be really uplifting.

The shiny gold bag filled me with joy and hope!
I pulled from inside a small white envelope.

The suspense could’ve killed me; oh, what could it be?
A pair of hockey tickets for boyfriend and me!

I cheerfully thought of the fun of gameday
At the Bears’ Outdoor Classic in Hershey, PA!

And of course, there was Simon, our most favorite cat:
For him, a plush beaver toy wearing a hat.

I snuggled with boyfriend and watched Simon play.
They could easily brighten my lousiest day.

He gave me a kiss as I squealed with delight.
“Merry Christmas to you!  Now, PLEASE, turn out the light.”

Thankful

Today, I’m going to switch gears from my usual belligerent brand of storytelling.  As much as life seems to take great joy in metaphorically punching me in the face, I do realize how incredibly fortunate I am to lead the life that I do.  With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I would like to take a timeout to count just a few of my many, many blessings.

I am thankful for my family.  I wish for nothing as much as I wish for them to be closer to me.  Our relationships may appear unorthodox to the uninitiated, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  As unusual as they may be, they are in so many ways responsible for the individual I am today.  I’ll let you all go ahead and take that for what you will.

I am thankful for boyfriend.  It’s unreal to think that only six years ago, we were total strangers.  Granted, he was still in high school…  Gross.  Regardless, he brings a smile to my face each and every day and I’m thankful that he made the remarkably poor decision to stick around.  I couldn’t ask for a better roommate, a better friend, and a better partner in all of life’s weird little adventures.

I am thankful for our little Simon and all of the confusing yet adorable joy he brings into our lives.  He’s snuggly and playful and makes the weirdest noises I’ve ever heard come out of a cat, and boyfriend and I are still giddy each and every time he does pretty much anything.  I’m so glad that we were in a position to rescue this little goober from a sad, stressful existence in the shelter and bring him into a safe, stable home full of love and catnip and unlimited cuddles.  As a brief aside, I am not thankful for the astounding amount of gas he emits.

I am thankful for the kung fu family that has welcomed me into their ranks since I moved out to Hershey.  They support me, challenge me, and provide me with an endless supply of laughter and drinking buddies.  Without the sense of community that emanates from the Center, my adjustment here could have been a painful, depressing experience.  I’m endlessly grateful to have a place that feels like home when everything else in my life still feels a bit upside down.

I am thankful for my friends.  Over the years, I have accumulated an amazing number of the most hilarious, intelligent, loving, generous friends a girl could ever ask for.  I don’t know what I’d do without them.  I cherish my time the ones I can see on a regular basis, and I constantly pine for those who aren’t here with me.  Who knew that so many awesome people would voluntarily hang out with me!?

I am thankful for my job, and subsequently thankful for two paid days off from said job.

Last, but certainly not least, I am thankful for all of you who read (and hopefully enjoy) my blog.  Without it, I am a writer without a home.  I started this blog as a way to express my writing and myself, and through all its growing pains, it has become something surprisingly meaningful to me.  Your feedback and support has been completely unexpected and profoundly appreciated.

I wish you all the warmest and happiest of Thanksgivings, filled with food, laughter, and love.  What are you thankful for?  Please share in the comments!

And fear not: your regularly scheduled surliness will resume next week.